Reflections
Reflections are ordered from least to most recent: scroll down to the bottom for recent posts.
Fiona in the Victoria and Albert Museum, London UK
8/17/18
With August today I felt like myself for the first time all summer (well since I crashed my car and was set off on a wild ride of emotions). The work we do together has an all encompassing effect, and puts me into a very meditative space, this is something I've missed so much about the days I spend in her studio.
It is taking a lot of work to get back into being fully present in a learning space after everything, there is still a block in my energy. I am working on having patience with my healing process, my artistic process, and most importantly myself.
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Our first day was meant to be essentially a warm up, a fun experiment. We set up a fluffy down pillow and drew it together as an exercise in drapery. It blows my mind the depth of conversation that can be sparked from a humble bag of feathers.
We discussed the usual, training the eye to focus on light and shadow, rather than outlines, paying attention to light source, practicing consistent line quality.
All of these more technical discussions were put aside though when we got deep into a conversation on privilege, she spoke on her privilege and, how she has struggled with trying to raise conscious children who have a very comfortable life. It really got me thinking about my own privilege in relation, and in some senses lack there of.
I used to wish I grew up in the upper class, able to buy anything my heart desired at a whim. Though in the past few months, and especially after our talk, I realized how grateful I am to know struggle, and to know what it's like to work for something. This gives more meaning to the things we I do have, and allows space for gratitude.
9/10/18
This was the first official day of my study.
I finally have a car again and this meant I drove myself to Augusts, which felt so good in itself.
We sat down to discuss some of her recent work, and the things that need adjusting. She's currently working on a painting of her sons' wife, its a gorgeous full body painting of CeCe sitting in a whitened window. The dilemma of the day was painting color into a white wall, August was working while I was doing my portrait. She decided to add more green to the farthest wall, this brought together the whole image as her pants were green. The tiniest tint of a wall can have such a large impact.
That's something I was thinking about today when it came time to adjust a feature or add shading, I tried to take my time with every line I drew, and carefully plan out my strokes for the best accuracy. My mom said I made her look older, and more at peace, and my therapist said the opposite, that I made her more interesting and younger. Who knows, what I do know though is that I have a long journey ahead of me riddled with measuring and correcting a million times over.
9/17/18
I met August at the live drawing class in calais (the class that I was leaving from when I got in a crash) and it was a strange feeling to say the least. Walking into the space I could feel all the changes I had made in my life since the crash in a very real way. I was both proud of myself, and a huge amount of gratitude for my life.
It was a couple modeling, the woman was gorgeous with a long face and very defined features. I chose to do a portrait of her, immediately I began repeating my everyday manta in my head, "patience, patience, patience". This has become a large part of my day to day, as I tend to want instant gratification along with so many in this day and age. If there is anything though that this doesn't work for is portraiture.
As I was working I wasn't as present as I could've been, this coupled with my self consciousness being surrounded by so many talented people, made for a somewhat hasty rushed piece. I created a glowing mess. What I mean by this is that once I had captured a slight likeness of her, I gave up on remeasuring and adjusting even though I could see the issues with it. Instead I began using my white chalk to highlight areas such as her nose, chin, cheek, and eye lids. This is my favorite trick to create lifelike drawings, it adds immediate light. I knew though as I was doing it that it wasn't time yet, and I did it anyways. This perseverance is something I am working on being mindful about currently.
9/24/18
I began copying a piece of August's work, a drawing she did of a live model. She had me stepping back about ten feet and measuring exactly. Then I'd step forward trying to place only one line at a time. The slowing down of the process that I mentioned in my last reflection is beginning to benefit my work. I didn't finish a drawing, but I felt more accomplished because of this.
After I spent some time drawing we switched to focusing on August's side of things. I'm modeling for her wearing a vintage white dress for a new piece. The idea is to create a contrast between the flow and femininity of the dress and a confident pose. Elliot, Augusts' husband, is a professional photographer. The three of us spent the rest of the time doing a photo shoot. We set up different lighting and tried different poses. The whole process was incredible to be a part of.
Ah another thought, I borrowed August's copy of the BP Portrait Awards book from 2008. It's chock full of crazy weird portraits which I am so excited about. My homework during the next week is to pick one and copy it, I'm nervous but excited! Updates to come!
10/11/18
Today I completed my piece from last week with SO many corrections, it's easy to forget just how slow portraiture is until you're in it. I love how much discipline it takes to create something like that. But it's a love-hate relationship as I definitely still get impatient. I had a hard time with this one because the perspective of the head is tilted back and to the right, this is different than what I'm used to, as I usually draw from more traditional angles. When I have to draw from a different angle I have to rethink and adjust my preexisting ideas about facial anatomy.
Aside from my own work we did a reshoot of my in the white dress, August went through the hundred something we took last time and decided to fluff the dress more, add some gold reflected light, and change the positioning of my arm. Again getting to watch and be a part of the creative process of artist and photographer working side by side was incredible. It really got me thinking about the minute differences you have to train your eye to pay attention to when painting people, the pose and the lighting is equally as important as the work itself.
Next week I am going to start a painting finally, I am so nervous but also thrilled, I feel ready. I just have to remember to not be hard on myself and keep in mind that it won't be pretty most likely.
10/17/18
Today when I met with August I set up for my first painting. It was incredible to start working with oils, the medium is so smooth and as I moved through it became more and more maneuverable. I began copying a Pam Hawkes piece that has been hanging up in Augusts studio for a while.
The piece is a very powerful, straight on portrait of a young woman wearing a head dress. The Grisaille, or underpainting that I completed was done using a mix of burnt ochre and burnt sienna. The main points that I had to work really hard to remember were first stepping back before placing each stroke. This has always been hard as I get impatient and I finish one line and immediately see what needs to come next. The next things I worked on is a similar idea, this step is solely for the purpose of giving an idea or a guide for the real painting. It will all get painted over with flesh tones and such. So choosing carefully how much detail you really want to put in a layer that won't be shown after can be a struggle.
Shown below my piece is the drawing that August was working on while I was painting. She is going to complete that and move over to a canvas to start painting. I also primed the canvas for the painting while I was there which was a good learning process as well. It's really powerful to watch your own face appear on a piece of paper. This is something interesting I've been thinking about, we all have our own ways of viewing things. So in the case of portraiture you are both measuring and seeing for accuracy, and seeing with your own unique perspective. Essentially a choice exists of either succumbing to your own mind and what you think you see, or training yourself to truly see. But who really knows what really is.
10/31/18
I got to Augusts before she got home so began our session by letting myself into the studio. I spent some time with her new portraits, including the piece of me which is coming along beautifully. The drawing is already capturing the confidence as well as elegance she was imagining from the start. Something she often says to me is "the painting is only as good as the drawing". Watching her process over the years has only proven this point further, as I've seen the quality of her drawings improve, I have also watched the emotion and fluidity of her paintings increase. It's a beautiful thing.
When she arrived we discussed my homework assignment and looked over the portrait I did of Hazel the day before. When discussing edits and changes, I realized partway through that I have become better at absorbing feedback. Part of who I am is my hyper-emotional self. One of my goals lately though has been separating my emotions from my work (to a degree). So this felt good.
Moving into adding flesh tones on top of my Unraveling copy was absolutely terrifying, and simultaneously incredible. I just entered a new world of possibilities in my art, oils as a medium are so beautifully maneuverable and so unforgiving if not respected.
Another thought on my mind as I was working was to appreciate and soak up as much of the knowledge that August has to offer me as possible. This opportunity is incredibly important.
11/8/18
I would like to start by saying I wasn't sure about oil paints from the beginning but as my Unravelling piece has developed I have fallen madly in love with the medium. It can do so many things, it can be thick and create beautiful texture or blend seamlessly to create astounding vibrancy and capture life-like qualities on a canvas. I became relatively certain today that oils will forever be my favorite medium.
I continued my work on Unravelling, I painted in the background using a warm gray tone and scraping white on top to mimic the use of silver in the original by Pam Hawkes. I also began adding in the ribbons of the head wrap and continued editing the features. For the lightest tones, I added to the face I used a mix of a periwinkle blue, and white. So as to contrast the yellow and purple tones already present in the flesh. This edits can be better seen in person, though.
I will continue to work on the portrait next week, one goal I identified yesterday with August for continuing is knowing when to stop. I have a very natural eye for these things, but I tend to go overboard when August isn't there to stop me. An example was yesterday I mixed the gorgeous highlight color mentioned above, and I loved it so much that I overdid it and had to go back and mix flesh tones again to cover up her excessive blue glow.
12/5/18
Today with August I focused on the finishing details of my Unraveling portrait. I had a great time in the studio, it was the first time we met after Thanksgiving because we had both been too busy too. On the one hand, the time allowed the paint to set and gave me a good base to work on top of. On the other hand, I felt that I had a difficult time reimmersing myself and staying focused on the tasks at hand.
Using a stencil I worked on creating the texture in the headwrap and shirt, which was a lot of fun. I also worked on adding shape and depth to the lips, this proved to be difficult as I was fighting against my choice of brush and paint, trying to work with paint that had too much medium, and I ended up with a muddy mess that I then wiped off completely and started over.
One of the most satisfying moments was when I worked with her eyes for the final time, I added some bright flesh tones to her waterline, and some shadow below that. The result was pure life, she all of a sudden was a human rather than a zombie.
Overall I believe this piece deserves appreciation especially being my first portrait using the medium.
12/12/18
I got to experience something very new today. There was a person visiting August's studio to pick out work for a gallery showing at the Festival Arts Gallery. They discussed pricing, what sells, placement etc. It was a funny process because she was expecting a more selective attitude I think, but when he arrived he looked at everything and wanted it all. The pricing was also interesting to me, and it makes me think about simple what the placement of a gallery can have to do with the cost of the art. For example, the people who shop at this gallery generally don't have an issue dropping a few grand on a painting. Whereas some places a couple hundred can be a lot.
I started the day by varnishing Unraveling which was incredible. Immediately the colors in her face were brightened.
August and I were talking about the study and what we've covered and she said: "you've learned what I have to teach, it's really a matter of implementing and practicing it." This honestly gave me both confidence in myself and my knowledge, as well as exciting me for the future of the development of my work.
After this confidence boost, I began a portrait of my very close friend Kristina from a photo I took a bit ago. I decided rather than doing an underpainting I would draw a basic sketch to begin directly adding flesh tones on top of. This is both a quicker method and an easier one in my opinion. I really do love the appearance of a nice underpainting with burnt sienna, or a similar warm tone. I think it comes through in a really gorgeous way, but this piece is something I really wanted to get started on and work on in the next few days too, and now I don't have to fight with a wet base.
